Men's Expectations in a Relationship
Men Need Acceptance
Men want to be accepted by their partner. Gray notes that when a woman tries to nurture and help her partner, he feels like he is being controlled and like he is not accepted for who he is.
Men Need to be Needed
Gray says that "not to be needed is a slow death for a man" (Gray 73). A man needs to feel like he is needed and like he is making a difference to his partner.
Men Need Space
Men need the space to deal with problems on their own. If a woman tries to help too much, a man can begin to feel smothered.
Men Need Independence
Gray notes that when a man achieves intimacy, he feels a need to be independent and to achieve autonomy. A man will pull away from the relationship to achieve this, but will return to being intimate when he feels independent again.
Men Need Approval
Men need to feel like they have the approval of their partners. A man will feel good in the relationship when he feels like his partner is satisfied with him. This is a measure of a man's success in the relationship and if he feels successful, he feels positive.
Women's Expectations in a Relationship
1. Women Need Understanding
Gray describes how women talk about their problems and want understanding and empathy from their partner. When the partner responds by trying to fix the problem, the woman feels like her partner does not care about her.
2. Women Need Reassurance
Women need reassurance in a relationship. For example, when a man retreats from the woman to deal with a problem, the woman needs to know that this is not a rejection of her and that she is still loved.
3. Women Need Respect
When a woman feels upset, she does not need her problems to be solved. Instead, she needs to experience her feelings and work through them. In short, a woman needs to feel that her feelings are respected.
4. Women Need Caring
A woman needs to be shown heartfelt concern. A woman who is shown such concern feels like she is loved and cared for.
5. Women Need Devotion
A woman needs to feel that her partner is devoted to her. When a woman feels that her partner is committed to her, she feels fulfilled and happy in the relationship.
Points of Agreement
1. Giving a Man Unsolicited Advice
Gray says that offering a man unsolicited advice "is to presume that he doesn't know what to do or that he can't do it on his own" (Gray 36). This is a threat to a man because it is important to him that he is competent. I think this is true and that men can respond to being given advice by assuming that their partner thinks lesser of them or think that they are incapable.
2. Dealing with Stress
Gray notes that men and women deal with stress differently, with a man wanting to solve the problem, while a woman wants to talk about the problem. I think this is true and that men can become frustrated by talking about problems because it just reminds them that they don't have a solution.
3. A Man's Deepest Fear
Gray says that "a man's deepest fear is that he is not good enough or that he is incompetent" (Gray 85). I agree with this statement and think that men are motivated by their need to achieve.
4. When a Man Feels Like a Failure
Gray explains that a man can have trouble listening to his partner's problems…
